I like to read. Novels. Romance. Rated M. +18. Yaoi. Bromance. I have the assianfanfic site on my favorite. I also watch pornographic movies and videos. And then I wanted to stop. But my mind was already been corrupted and I really struggle a lot. I wanted to erase it in my system but that was just so hard. Even if I don’t watch and read, they still crept into my mind, it escalated to the point that even in my dreams, I’m doing it and falling to it again and again and I will wake up feeling so guilty. Asked the Lord for forgiveness and falling to it again that I felt so ashamed before God. Why, I can’t keep my promise?
You know that it is so hard to minister to people when you don’t have integrity? You really can’t. It’s not hard, you can’t.
But I have a powerful and loving God that slap this verse to me.
“Daughter of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field, ” Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Song of Solomon 2:7.
If you read the whole of book of Song of Solomon, you will read this three times stressing it’s importance. In this verse, he taught me that we need to protect our self from sexual immorality. Like a gardener, we have to protect it from any unauthorized access. Not only that we need to put fences around it but we also need to guard it’s bloom.
What does it mean? We may succeeded in putting fences on it but the bloom was already trampled. Lustful desires, romance fantasy, we should avoid. Yes, we may not have physical sexual intercourse but if we’re doing it in our mind and imagination, it’s already been trampled, corrupted, the bloom was gone. So let’s keep our body and mind pure, until it so desires-until we get married.
For we have a powerful and loving God. He is a alive. He speaks.