A letter to my youngest brother Louie

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Dear Louie,

You’ll probably find this weird that I’m writing this for you in my personal blog… I’m always weird, so don’t worry, this is just normal though this is the first time that I will be doing this for you. Christmas is coming and so as my birthday and I don’t want this year to pass by without telling you everything. We’ll miss you. I miss you and I feel sad that you’re not here this Christmas but whenever you go, remember that we love you and we’ll always be here for you, your home and family.

Today, I want to make a photo album so that Mamay and Papay won’t miss us too much in the province so I’ve been browsing your albums in your account and I realize I miss a lot of important events in your life. Maybe, you are so happy on those times that you wanted to tell them to me but I don’t have time to listen to you. I’m always busy with my own stuff that I almost forgot you also needed me. When you’re sad and lonely, I wasn’t there. When you’re happy, I’m not there. When you’re afraid and wary, I’m not there. I always tell myself before, that I’m doing it because I love you and I want you to be strong, be independent and know your way on your own. But I realize that I love you wrong. I should have been there to listen to your stories, your worries, and the things that made you happy. I’m sorry bunso! I always got angry to you. I always hurt you even in small things, I’m sorry. You experience lots of pain and most of them are because of me, I’m sorry. Hinigpitan kita sa pera cause I want you to know how to budget on your own but it must be really hard on you. Maybe, you skip meal because of it. I’m sorry. really sorry… I’ve never met your friends who always there for you when I left you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. Will you forgive me?

I’m proud of you, you know. Despite of all the things you have been through, you stand strong, mature and determine to reach your dreams. Don’t be so sad. I always pray that God will keep you safe. Be happy and don’t worry here. Nonoy is looking out of them and like you always said, I call them more often now so that they won’t worry too much. Always take care of your self. Whenever you go and whatever happen, I will always be here. Let’s celebrate Christmas and your birthday when you come home. Sana hindi ka muna magasawa. Kahit mga dalawang taon lang. I want you to have enough time for yourself as a single and do the things and get all the things I wasn’t able to give to you. However, when you found your girl, please introduce her to us and marry her first.

Merry Christmas and Happy new Year to you. I’m sorry I was not a perfect sister but nevertheless, remember that I love you. Always and forever.- Ate

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