Losing Hope…

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Today is the 4th day..and my hope that the things will go back to normal is starting to vanish.

It is his own choice, nothing more and nothing less. It’s the same condition, but 11 are staying and 1 is leaving… Is the minority weak and the majority strong? Is the relationship between the strong and the weak?* I don’t think those apply to this situation. It’s just his choice. He left without a word and the rest of them are confused and sad…

Their director  and choreographer Greg Hwang tweeted this, this morning. As time pass by… the cut in my heart and the pain I’m feeling… just got deeper and deeper. The fandom started to take sides and we really tried to keep them together.. It’s just that, everyone are so shock and in deep pain. The chaos started to get worst.. so many bad humors were spreading online and the top search on internet compose of these rumor..so fans/fansites are working so hard to clean the filter search! I know.. we need to accept the he’s not coming back… He’s gone…leaving his 11 brothers behind confused and sad. It’s so painful! I’m telling you.. member’s dating is nothing compared to member’s leaving and not leaving any warning or explanation behind.

It’s so sad that the future fans will not be able to see him anymore in the group. They will not see how dork he is. They will not see how he made the airport as a runway! His indescribable and some times out of the box airport fashion. They will not see him standing tall in midst of a sea of fans with his cold, icy bitchy expression. They will not see his silliness. They will not hear his awkward way of talking in Korean and English. They will not see his ears full of earrings. They will not see his tattoos, his drawings, and how Tao, cling to him so badly. They won’t be able to read a new Taoris or Krisyeol fics. They won’t be able to hear, “chicken’s not my style”. They will read so many negative comments about this situation and many negative things about him.. but Hey! don’t judge him.. He is really a great guy and a leader to EXO and us in his short termed stay as Kris. I wouldn’t love him this much if he’s not. He love galaxy so we gave him a galaxy but I guess.. he wanted a different galaxy. He is warm and one of the dorks. He’s strong enough to file a lawsuit to his agency..he just..just.. didn’t warned us.

Today, I.. We..are trying to be strong for our self, friends in the fandom, and for the remaining 11 members. They will be having a concert in 5 days.. the first ever concert they’ve been dreaming for a long time. I still don’t know how to move on. How could I watch them when he’s not there to sing his lines. When he’s not in his usual place in their formation. I don’t know if I will be having another fandom after them. The pain is so huge that it’s so hard to stand again on my feet but… I’m trying to keep my self together because we still have 11 members working hard for their dreams and for the fans. No matter how hard it is.. OT12 didn’t exist anymore.

“Once, I dreamed to see a dragon.. but now I have to admit.. this dream have 0.0% chances of going to happen.”

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