I finally gained a courage to watch this~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy00wiVclZc
This sounds so crazy and ridiculous. Why should I feel this way? I don’t know his father and we have nothing to do with each other. I enter in the fandom a kind of late too but why I’m so down and hurt? I also hate myself for feeling this way. If the suicide is true..can I hate his father for a little.. a little more than a little..for hurting Jungsoo till his last breath?
People sometimes only see a happy Leeteuk and not a sad Park Jungsoo. The Leeteuk who’s brave enough to lead a group with 15 members but not a frighten Park Jungsoo who is always bitten by his father. The oldest Leeteuk who is often made fun for his age, forgetting that there is also a maknae Park Jungsoo~ who always chase happiness..who wanted to be successful to change his life. “Will I be more comfortable if I was born in a wealthier family”? People find it cheezy or OA when he shamelessly cried in front of the camera without wondering why he cried so easily even if he’s happy or sad?
I miss him so bad. I miss SJ. The SJ who’s running here and there for their schedules. But yesterday, was different. I don’t want to see them. Kibum went but I didn’t bother to look for pic. I don’t want to. Tbh, my life as an Elf was full of waiting. Well it’s the life of every ELF. We keep on waiting. We’re sure for some that they will be back, we’re unsure on someone if he will comeback and we’re sure that someone will not comeback but we keep on waiting. I can’t leave. You saw me spazz on some groups but I can’t leave the fandom. They gave me so much pain already.. I can’t give up. But I still believe that Elf is a great fandom. They grow and got mature a lot. Today, you will notice that Elf were quieter than before. But believe me..it’s not because we decrease in number. We only knows when to shut up, speak up and stand up for the boys. We’re here.. always looking and supporting them near or afar. Those who said to leave are not elf to begin with..or worst not a fan after all and soon he will leave that other fandom too.
I can only wish and pray now for Leeteuk to be ok. For the whole SJ to be strong for their leader. For the whole fandom to be always there, now that the angel is now in bended knee with broken wings. That’s all that I can do. As a fan..that’s all I can do.